The Collective Works and Homepage of Miss. Mel "Pixi" Anderson

*Do not ever fear the world for it is beautiful in Chaos and Uncertainty with never ending possibilities.*
-Pixi-

 A Broken Tale

Once upon a time not so long ago there was a little girl from a broken home. She was what some would call a broken girl with a broken smile but still in her heart she dreamed of love all the while. As she grew all she knew was regret and despair, so much love she would give only to be discarded without flair. Well as this girl grew a woman to be, she met a man as cute as can be, a helpless, and hopeless romantic was she that she gave her heart so much- herself she did lose; that when he did tire of her love so her heart nearly screamed self abuse. Still everyday she did wake with a hope that one day he would see her without thinking a joke. Little did she know what her blind hope did not see was she burnt all the bridges of others arms none to flee. Helpless and hopeless the love lost old girl didn’t know what to do with her own little world, as she did leave to sit by an old tree with a bottle in hand wishing she never loved a man and realizing that broken girl woman turned out to be me.

 

created @ 2008-01-17 10:20:02 

Resolve

Every smile you gave me
was it fake
every hug you gave me
was it merely to take
Every soothing word
what was the goal
every day did you think
the moral wouldn't unfold
well here I am with clear resolve
no farther do I have to fall
I'm at the bottom
but sun do I see
you I don't need
I only need me
How dare you think
you had the right
to smile to hug to laugh
and then behind my back so false
you thought I never knew
you thought I'd never hear or see
obviously you
never were a friend to me.
I have resolve
no farther to fall
but on my own
at least I know
I am true
and the only way
is up without you.

 

Created @ 2008-02-16 14:15:11 

Just Be

I will never be perfect
I will never be everything
you always wanted
I will never be the perfect rack
the perfect response
the perfect answer
to your wants
to tell the truth
I will never be
anything you desperately want
of me
I could never be that size
that denial
that perfect weight
I could never answer
your ideal of fate
I honestly only want to be
the life that stirs inside of me
the spirit
the hope
the passionate dreams
I see you and I dare to scream
I hate you and all I denied of me
to be confused and hateful me
I hate and hope
in
laughter since
for if I don't
a thousand deaths
oh silly me it cannot be
that soul empty since it left of me
this echo of what could only
be
in other worlds a million since
I had you not then
and would never wish
again
again.

 

created @ 2008-02-04 04:11:33 

Man's Equation

Anticipation
Deliberation
Consideration
Asphyxiation

Hollow words drowning
meaning through the halls
of mans equation
who will decide their human qualifications

Suffocation
creation freedoms lost
truncated grievances
responsibility handed generously
over weakened by the
liberation's of the muted
 masses humbled
patriotism

Freed

Emancipation
Proclamation
Situations
Evacuations

Question murders
price tagged with an
oil stipulation
manifestation
other worldly tabulation
compensation

For Who?

Rise up responsibility
people lazy indignation
you're forgetting
 not defending
rights laid aside upon

our impending tombs
doomed?

Consecration
Sanitation
Desecration
Obliteration
Extinction

Learn to question
every reflection of
Your Future
recommendation
may not be
revelation
revolution
evolution
constitution

Not in your hands
to lay the blame
others fame and disillusion
you say their bruises
made bitter restitution
your intentions
written in their blood.

©2008
P.Anderson

Would I be Better Off?

Would I be better off-

if I reduced my outward IQ to 20..

showed off some boobs

would I be better off

if I dropped on my head

pretend all of my pride was long lost and dead

would I be better off if I forgot
womens lib

forgot everything those brave women did

would I be better off if my preferences catered to the flock

just to waggle at your

cock??

Apparently nerds arent the guys to finish last

its really the girls who think

breasts are overtly

flashed

brains were a passing craze

panty shots are now all the rage

what happened to the good guys out there?

all I have to say is

/drops trou- moons you

my answers right there.

Never Me in G

Never me

pictured in the silhouette of G..

played upon the piano keys

and it makes me sad..

it makes me happy...

it makes me hopeless and hopeful

and I cry and smile all at once

It makes me wish and want to end it all

It makes me hold my hand out dreaming
of grasping another that is never there...

I see dancers in my head..

lovers

not me

in dark and quiet

I see

this symphony

played out for someone

not me

My life flashes by

and yet in my visions I see love

but not me.

A lovers touch

A heartbreak sigh

a darkened face

fleeting by

Though never me

fills the void

where words should be

in this darkened lives

sweet symphony.



Song- Chopin- Nocturne Symphony in G Minor

Roller Coaster

They met
on the roller coaster
neither sure
neither quite safe
neither knowing quite
where the coaster would break

what the hell
they buckled in
for a moment her head did spin
as he grasped her palm
and squealed
nearly as she did
when the sharpest turn ,
the brakes did spark and thin

head over head
they fell
through
dawn
into each other arms
again and again
round the corners the lifts and dips
the roller coaster
that was where they met
and where they end.

©MCA07

Little Pill

Little pill I know you well
sitting there on the window sill
just waiting until Ive had my fill
I know you will do me well
slip unconscious into another dream
another dream
dream as if that is what you mean
escape you are my Saviour
little pill i know you well
drink you down
a rumble felt
shifting for a moment
my gullet you sank so well
Little pill
if only my wake did not disturb you
if only I could sleep
with you little dream
little pill
I knew you well
until I fell outside the window sill
my dream did end
when I found the cliff
on the other side of that windowsill.
My
Little Pill.

©MCA 07

I Hate

I hate as much as he does
I hate as much as you do
I hate as much as she does
I hate that I already miss you

I hate that the President
some people still think is true
I hate that these shoes don't fit
and I hate that I feel lost
without you

I hate that the world is full of hateful people
I hate the world of stupid fools
I hate that I never have the proper tool
for a fix
and I hate that I feel this way
over you

I hate
me as much
as I hate
you

But Ill live without shoes
and Ill live without the blues
I'll live with war
and I'll live with bad songs
and when I'm done living
I'll still hate her
hate him
hate that I felt this ever
over you.

©MCA 07

Too Much To Drink

Too much to drink
is when thoughts are so jumbled
I cant even think
straight
too much to drink
pollute my brain
I just want another
wait what did I think?
drink ahh yes, I don't want to think
again another
a perfect night
without thoughts
just drink
spun
and numb
a little dumb
but with drink I can be these things
without
having to think.

©MCA 07

Scheme

so much faith
in the stock of man
too much hope
in this godforsaken land

fall
fall outward and upward away
in space
another time another
human race

too much love
not really there
in this world
we are forced to grimly share
 your stink
dissolves my air

too much esteem
I held you in my eyes
my hearts untimely dream
when  all I wish to do is kick you
and scream
until your heart and soul
does bleed

You never knew those smiles I gave you
genuine
did you see I offered them freely
no scandalous alterer means
I know its beyond
the humans
scheme.

©MCA 07

Unbound Editor

"Have you written anything lately?"
You half mockingly say, as you encircle me.

I study the terror filled blank page
laying tantalizingly before me.

I silently shrug as I achingly loathe the intrusion
of your caveman heavy steps
around my cocoon.

My naked vulnerable rabbits den
your foxhound voice somehow found it's way in.

You eye your prey as you pace
stirring the stale air as I sit with my madness
attempting to will you away.

PENSTROKE _________

None again.
My jumbled thoughts collide chaotically
as I dot another minute of time sparingly.

You laugh! Laugh- Blink-

"Awe, What's wrong?" You stare.
As a confused puppy dog- Wolf-forming.

Bite, Bite, Nip- You taste me into nothing.
Wasting away in your presence.

Crow Laugh-snicker.

You take a seat in the corner.
Apparently bored with the feast
you found lacking.

Pick up a book,
And dissolve into nothing-

But a peice in the blackness of my mind.

©MCA 2/07

Ship Of Kings

Liar
 
You
 
Who have such fantastic lies
 
You
 
I call your Bluff
 
You who have no cognizance
 
I call you to the poker table
 
Please share your game face
 
You have no more
Than a pair of deuces
 
 
I would love
To look upon that game face
 
And know it that moment
 
You hold a pair of aces
 
But you  
Cannot prove that
Nor play that
 
Hand among us players
 
Of proven broken hearts of fools
In the queens deck
 
There is no place
 
For a ship of kings.
 

Queen's Voyage

What is this thing?
 
Called rage
 
Coiling like tentacles
Gripping
 
Angrily vine-like
Pulling me down- down  
 
 
Who are you pulling me down
 
Who are you making me feel
 
Claustrophobic in wide open spaces
 
 
Who are you?
 
 
What is love?
 
It doesn’t mean anything in this space anymore
 
Rage
 
What is this feeling so  
 
So suffocating in the night air I can’t breathe
Frustration
 
Simple as a word
 
In this night
 
Tension fleeting whips’ around this corner to the next lurking
 
 
I hate you in a breathless wording
 
I want to hurt you
As much as this moment kills me
 
 
What is love?
 a blasphemy?
 
Of human creation
 
Exist not a chance
Of fairytale belief a story unfolded
 
I believe in me
And this destruction you bring
 
Destroyer of me
This mutinous crew
Of my heart un-folding
 
Like ship sails on a beautiful cruiser slowly sinking
 
You-
You liar of liars
Thieves of thieves.
 
You break me everyday
 
I hate you more
For me hating me
 
You,  
you beautiful voyage.
 
Queens’s voyage darkening the mast
Of my pirated sails
 
Leave me alone
And I may leave you to live
 
 
Upon the dark shattered heart
 
Of this voyage is where we begin.

Chicago Experiment

(Sometimes leading a heartsoaked wishful life you move places for dumb things.. like men. This is a reflection of How I would love to have loved Chicago and yet.. this is how I feel.)
 
 
 
Chicago experiment
 
You broke me
 
I am lost
 
In this realm
This shell
 
Of who I was
 
I knew so certain
 
Who I was before you
 
Chicago experiment
I loved you
If only for a moment
 
 
Chicago
You  
Of colors
Of sound
 
Chicago
I believed
You were sweet home
Not to be
 
I sometimes wonder
If  it was because
I left my heart somewhere else
 
 
Was there a grand plan
 
 
I don’t think so
Unclear and ponderous
 
And yet Chicago
You owed me zero
And still
 
Chicago
 
I learned so much
From you
 
I spin today
In a circle of longing
 
 
Of a home I have not known in so many years
 
Will it be
Anything more
Than I learned from you?
 
Chicago
The experiment
 
A love lost and broken
 
Before it had its day
 
 
Chicago I dream
 
Of you in more beautiful ways.
 
 
 
 
(The name Chicago Experiment was inspired by a Friend, a musician and a bar owner named Mike who owns Cal's bar who summed up my time in Chicago as the Chicago Experiment.)

Last Words..

Have you ever
Been so certain of your mortality
That you know you know just how long you have to live?
 
I have to say
I know just how long I will live
This life
 
I am a bit mad
Some would say
 
Though I know there is no sadness inside me
 
 
I know I have lived so much
In my life
I have known just what I was meant to know
 
I know
My heart
This one that beats today inside of me
Has loved with no reserve
 
It has beat the names of many great fantastic loves
 
The names of sisters
Men
Women who’s smiles carried me through
 
A hug a laugh a wink so simple
I have few reserves not filled
 
I have one regret, she said as she laid back..
But I will pay for that many lives from now,
 
This life though
I know with a simple strangers smile
I lived my life as much as I could  
While I had the chance for awhile.
 
If I could tell those I loved one thing..
Don’t balance your life on that of a ring, a childs song, or a movie stars singing..
 
Let your soul be loud and clear
To those you encounter everyday
Those who are near.
 
Don't ever hide your life,
Your spirit
your smile
your laugh
your dreams.
 
And then she was gone, in her dreams.
 
 ©MCA2007

Six

Slipping
 
Grandly down the white walls of your Chevrolet
 
Like mud
 
I am gracefully bound to smile
And pretend I am worthy of this to no end
 
What does one have to sacrifice
To be anything in this life
 
Better yet
What is that anything
I am so willingly cause to strife
 
 
For?
 
You open the door for me
 
As I grin and bear it
 
 
Leaving all that once was left of me
 
Behind
 
To wonder where I went
 
In your shadow I find
 
Me?
 
Silken crusades I had to deny my brains
To fill that void to become..
 
Me?
 
I
Suckle my whorish friend of six feet
Low
 
In the mud
I love her
 
She
Is my dirty road to freedom
 
Where I live
My deathly ill-favored friend of woe
 
She holds me close
 
And praises me
 
For future lives
Without you
 
My faithful fateful friend
 
Six feet away
 
Future
She knows.

A Broken Princess

She
Is a pretty girl

Wearing her cupid bow mouth
In a whirl of colors

Do you know she is broken?

A little girl with a pretty face
Grown to love

Just about every place

A great surprise
In your heavy eyes

She is a sirens grace
When she takes your heart
Breathless, beat-less in this space

Do you know how to love
A gypsy princess
Lost everyplace

Never found a home
In this castle she’s trapped alone

You dream
Of a sleeping princess
You can save

Do you know
The dragon was her love

Do you know
There is no prince
In her world to love

Do you know

You
Cannot
Rescue
A Broken
Princess.

Angel Born (A Poem for the Blue Angels)

- My Earliest memory of a patriotic feeling was when I was about 7 years old. I went and saw the Blue Angel show at a small air base outside of my hometown. At that show I not only became enthralled and amazed at the pure aviation (of course I did'nt know it was called that at the time) But I remember when the show was over, I got to go and see the planes and the pilots were so kind. I Met the Squadron Commanding Officer. He took the time to answer all of my thousand questions about not only the Angels but also the Navy etc. - I think I am truly a patriot because of what that experience infused in me.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Angel Born

Hold my hand under Shining Stars
Colors Streak in joyful waves
laughing , dancing under the roars they paved
of Angels wings
Today is a happy day
like undaunted space travellers
they glide
feet planinting squarely in the
Golden Fields
under billowing clouds of
Navy blue
I remember in this moment whistfully
the first time I saw those Hornets fly
so young
so partiotically bred
in Angels pride back then
and now
here with you under windswept roars
I see next to me a child
in amazement
at the flock of seamless tactical swoops and spins
dives and soars- you become
a patriot- like me-
Angel Born.

©MCA2007

Hour Glass

Hour glass of my life I abhor you
I revoke the avowel of
existance oh; you
hourglass of fate-
I turn you
over
over
eyeing-
sands what
held you to make
time- I turn you gently
upon your side- carefully I
then turn and walk away with my life.

©MCA2007

Firefly in a Jar (For Azrael)

too far are the days gone  
since I caught a firefly in my palm
 
remember spinning- spinning  
carelessly at dusk in the fields of yesterday
 
willows whispering tales in the twilight
tinkering of cattails gently talking-
talking to ourselves
 
flashing-horns howling wind
echo in our ears
how the sirens make me miss
miss those younger years
 
remember alleyways we made-
of cardboard boxes and cellophane
magic markers and old tree houses
climbing mossy banks
 
burning tires-streetsweepers
road rage on a sunday
how it was so simple
the day before yesterday
 
condos-yachts-and mustangs
replaced the paper airplanes
 
drunken friday nites  
replaced silly putty and a string
now to fall over our own feet
tripping over memories of yesterday
 
too long its been a cigarrette in hand
and a firefly in a jar
my memory is fading now
yesterday is just too far.
 
perhaps tommorrow the sun will shine-
maybe see the lake
and remember a time
when the city wasnt around it-  
and the fireflies were free.

©MCA2007

My Mothers Hands

My mothers hands
were beautiful
I'll never forget how delicate they looked
I'll never forget how strong they shook

My mothers hands
trembling and terrible
I'll never forget how frightened I looked-
upon her beautiful hands

My mothers hands were gentle at infancy
dripping with the kerosene fuel of anger
robbed the beauty from her hands
in all of rages complacency

My mothers hands
once taught me art and compassion
I  now am left to wonder
was every hit a crime of passion

My mothers hands
were time worn and elegant
scarred and rough-
still beautiful

I wished to have her hands when I grew up-
graceful and skilled
story weavers and time stoppers- artists hands
they were beautiful

I'll never forget the day they turned
from her hands to angers
what lesson was I ever to learn
as I grew to fear
My mothers hands

Sickness and time stole beauty
from her hands
her hands and our life-

I am grown now
so long since I saw those
beautiful dreadful hands
that I loved and feared

I remember her hands before anger
as I look now at my own
and I think
I have my mothers beautiful hands
but the anger and the fear- stopped with her.

©MCA2007

V is for Victory Not Victim

V is for Victory,
Not Victim you see
I am a champion
I bound obstacles with ease
I leap over repression
with unabound grace-
I press forward to greatness
never seeing your hateful face
I outrun your taunts and your jeers
while facing my greatest fears
I stand tall and I stand proud
while you wish to feed me to a ravenous crowd
I dust myself off-
and start up again
while you laugh and you mock-
my aching bruised limbs
I learn the next course
while I leave you behind
Only an echo, you are
as I surge toward pride
with every forgiveness
shown
in my tear stained eyes.

©MCA2007

My Road My Lover My Friend

"Ive spent my entire life nowhere and everywhere and I miss it like the flowers miss the sun in winter.. I know the road.. shes always been there.. even when I had nothing I had her no matter where she went."
-Taken from a Conversation with a friend- (my words)



She wraps around me
gentle curves making me ache with every beat
which slips by

another moment of pressure..
another field.. another daybreak.

cold some would say- is she
my lover-
she which makes me ache

every moment I'm not on her.

strange the love we two came joined with.
Her accepting this renegade- roughneck.
hoodlum refused-
excon- you've heard the blues

why did she accept me
and take with me so-

this renagade angel-
cobblestones-concrete-
tumbleweed whore-

many nights I slept naked under the stars-
her stars she says
without a flight in her head-

weary of Jupiter- and Venus and Mars-
shes says with a fancy
why not New York-
Shes says with a flip-
how bout' a trip-

Lets go to Chicago-
or Orleans-
Vegas sounds nice-

Route 66-
all the way to the chapel-
no one needs to know where we came from-
or where we are bound.

She stares at me solid-
My feet on her ground-
you know we are together-
eternity bound-

My lover my solace-
my nymph-
my street whore-

I am hers at every turn -
every whim-
Every curve-

My freedom-
is my highway - my whore.

©MCA2007

Ink and Blood-For my Friendly Tat Artist

They spell it out in ink and blood
ink and blood
Love Hate -Rage
ink and blood
baby faces
sailors places
ink and blood
pin up girls
and movie stars- wrap around their hearts
heavy hands buzzing plans
ink and blood
for my mom-
thats my son
ink and blood
John Wayne- Desert Storm
same ideas
different forms- memories all
ink and blood
faded faces- ethnic slurs-
cover ups from after hours-
ink and blood
they spell it out-
celtic crosses- gang Id's-
prison tats- Harley D's
butterflies and fairytales-
super heros- that french whore-
mickey mouse-
prisoner of war-
Jesus Christ - they spell it out-
in their ink- your blood.

©MCA2006

Hate isn't a flavor

If I could look you in the face
just for a moment I would see youre out of place
with any human with humanity
how can you say the world isnt the world
without seeing it like you or me {with all the colors smells and influence around us both you can see, without a frikin Mickey D's}

How can you say the world isn't worth savin'
How can you say that chick couldn't be my sister {you see her eyes she has my aunts}
who cares black or brown
white purple
Seattle
Afghanistan

trailor park
or high rise condo

fuck you thats my brother

shoot you down, that was my sister

oil prices or taxes on the rise {if youre rich tax break incoming bonus money for a surgery on your thighs) {huh?}

food isnt free= so what about New Orleans town

Mardi gras a sidestop for any tourist

but apparently not important enough to take care of
(Where was the transportation?}

Oil prices on the decrease who cares at least gas is cheaper for you or me {what?}

election season on the bound
politicians spreadin hate all around..

{We are the melting pot.. most of the people in this country who cook your food, clean your house, teach your child.. is an immigrant..}

why hate your brother or your sister
while congress patronizes all thats on the globe.

When will this world ever learn
whether on this soil or over water
family means sharing one and sharing all.

Is'nt it proof after all

that this world is bred with the blood of family of all.

Steal a mother or a father.. a hundred years ago or maybe more...

That was your uncle or your great aunt..
She brought Faith and gospel through out the land, she brought the harvest or the laughter of generations all around.

Stand strong, have faith united all,

Leave it to the government to persecute them all.

Not pointing fingers or to place blame..
But dont you feel like a lemming believing blasphemy and fame?

The truth my world is youre all family to me
and Hate isn't a flavor I' care much to see.

Smack a congressman upside his head.. and show that loving youre opponant is more tantalizing instead.

Don't not vote because you choose to cop out,
instead vote because at least you earn the right to bitch out.


___ the point to this lame ass lil thing= Is if you Don't Vote.. you don't have the right to bitch. Please vote.. and maybe someday.. it will matter. Keep Faith and Stand Strong.

I believe that someday the citizens of a democracy whether it be the US or some other country.. will bitch slap some sense into the rest of the world. Don't hate because people don't see through your eyes.. Love because everyone sees things their own way. I love this world because every single person on it, sees things differently.

When I was 10 years old I dreamt of someday winning the Nobel Peace Prize.. Though I am very far from it {grin} what did you dream of? :)